


As Real as Can Be

by Gab_z



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: ;;-;;, Angst, Like seriously this is only angst, M/M, there is nothing else here but pure pain, why do I do this???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6794956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gab_z/pseuds/Gab_z
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>... Even though he might be gone, that doesn't stop Kaneki from wishing he wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Real as Can Be

**Author's Note:**

> Derp. 
> 
> So ya, I thought of this and had to write it down... I cried... Urg. 
> 
> So... Sorry.

Kaneki laid awake in bed unable to fall asleep, the events from the day kept playing like a loop in his mind. He really should be more relaxed. The CCG didn't know of this place—with the exception of Urie and Saiko and Mutsuki, but the ladder was most probably dead or in no condition to speak—and even if they knew of it, there was no way of identifying it as a ghoul Cafe at first glance. He was safe. They were all safe.

Yes, he had managed it, everyone from Hinami to Yomo had made it out alive. Even he had survived his fight against Arima, something he hadn't expect when going in. He hadn't killed the Reaper, of course not, despite everything he had put him through, he still saw him as his first and only father figure. In other words, he'd gotten attached to him. Kaneki was also partially convinced that Arima, in some way, care for him as well, after all, hadn't he said that he could've killed him several times over—645? But he hadn't. If that didn't mean something he didn't know know what would.

Touka had been so pleased to see him again and, much to his surprise, she hadn't slapped slapped or punched or screamed at him... nothing. A small smile was all she gave him and he couldn't have been anymore thankful. 

There had been no questions, they must've noticed his weariness. However, there would certainly be some some tomorrow. Which gave him even more reason to sleep. 

\•/

Kaneki blinked. He felt a presence in the corner of his room. Slowly he sat up in bed and—and— 

His breathing stopped. It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. He was here, with him! He was alive!

"Dude, you okay?" The jovial voice Kaneki had grown so found of said, "you look just about to start crying and I totally don't want to explain that to Touka."

A strangled sound that only slightly resembled a laugh escaped his throat. He clutched his stomach and bent his head forward, screwing his eyes shut. It was only an other hallucination. How could he have had such hopes before. Because he was... He was—

A warm hand was placed on his shoulder and he broke down. Even if it was only a hallucination, he'd be damned if he didn't at least enjoy his insanity. 

"You're alive, you're alive, you're alive," he sobbed while clutching the other.

"Woah, calm down," he said softly, "of course I'm alive! What did you expect from the Great and Magnificent Hideyoshi!"

Hide sat down next to Kaneki on the bed and rubbed his back in a slow circular motion. 

"If you keep this up my shirt's gonna be drenched." He joked.  
"Sorry," was Kaneki's muffled reply.

"Hey, I don't mind, it's not everyday a sexy hunk cries all over you!"

"Stop," Kaneki's crying was replaced by embarrassment.

"No but really—" Hide held Kaneki at arms length, "—you're fucking HOT... I'm almost jealous."

Kaneki laughed, the first honest laugh he had in... a while. He felt almost happy until...

"But you're not real." His previous thought of enjoying this fled from his mind when the cold reality made him realize that doing so would only result in more pain. 

"Silly," Hide said and poked Kaneki's forehead, "I'm as real as you want me to be. After all, this is your imagination." He waved his arms around the room.

Kaneki looked at the floor. It was true but hardly what he had hoped for.

Hide rose from his spot on the bed. 

"Besides," he knelt in from of Kaneki, "what makes you think I'm not real?"

"Because—because I—" 

His best friend looked him straight in the eyes, "I'll be as real as can be for as long as you remember me! So wipe those tears, you've been crying waaaayyy too much lately." 

Kaneki chuckled and used his sleeve to wipe them away. It was to no avail as tears started leaking from his eyes when he thought of what he wanted to say next... It was pointless, he knew it was pointless after all, it wasn't really Hide I front of him, only a construct of his own mind. 

"Hide... I—I lo—"

"Shhh." The blond man placed a finger over Kaneki's lips. "I know and I'm sure he knew as well." 

Oh, right. He was only talking with himself, after all, he had even stated it. 

His chest heaved, his throat tightened and he didn't think he would ever feel happiness again... Not when his sunshine was gone.

'Hide' propped himself up. 

"Honestly, you can't keep going on like this, I might not be the real Hide but I damn well know he wouldn't want to see you in this state since, well, you know that too," his hair turned black and before Kaneki knew it he was starring at a copy of himself, "and I am you." 

That only made the pain so much worse... Knowing that he had made up the entire thing, that all of it was not real...

"You do realize that as long as we—you—remember him, he'll never truly be gone, right?"

Kaneki understood that, he really did, but nothing could compare to having the real Hide. 

His doppelgänger tilted his head, "oh? I guess someone's calling you, you might want to wake up."

\•/

"Kaneki," Touka said softly as she gently shook him, "wake up."

He blinked. There was something wet against his cheeks. 

"You were crying, so," she hesitated, "I woke you up." 

Oh. So it was tears. 

Touka went for the door, "I guess you want to be alone..." and with that she closed the door and left.

Kaneki closed his eyes again as even more tears escaped.

Hide wasn't with him.

Hide would never be with him again. 

And it was all his fault. 

.  
.  
.  
.

Rabbits die of loneliness you know!

**Author's Note:**

> Yep! A Kaneki-really-ate-Hide-at-the-end-of-part-one fanfic...
> 
> I don't seriously believe Hide is dead or at least I don't want him to be dead! :A:
> 
> ((I also think someone in cochlea will die))


End file.
